“I think of you as my friend, buddy . . . I couldn’t think of anything else … My heart has been taken somewhere already”. My world collapsed.
Finally after two years of vague status, I was able to ask the love of my life, thru text – devoid of facial expression and emotion, what I am to her. If there’s any chance of going beyond . . . . more than friends.
She was my blood, my air, my sun. There’s never a day that I cannot think of her. I was struck with Cupid’s arrow and no matter how many times we fought, my love for her never fade, instead it grew. We were, in the eyes of the general public, MU. In colloquial language, mag-un. My friends, in the beginning, already told me to settle the record straight. But I was too afraid to ask, I was torpe. I never had the courage because I was hoping she was feeling the same way. I was wrong.
Last night, while watching television, a sudden force came into me. I ask the most dreaded question that I was avoiding for years. And I got what I wanted. Reality slapped me in the face and I was stoic. It made me weary. I wanted to cry but there were no tears. My heart was crushed. I am so stupid and it’s my entire fault. It is true then that Honesty is such a lonely word. While I was lying in bed, I couldn’t help but wonder – after all those caring thoughts, kilig text replies, unforgettable moments we’ve shared and the countless I love you – all that was for friendship? Huh? What are the boundaries? How will you know that you have crossed the demarcation line? The moment I close my eyes, tears fell.
I woke up today with the realization that some of my friends and my only elder sister would definitely laugh at me if I break the news. For not listening to their views and for being persistent. Now that everything is in place all I have to do is to remind myself always that I am just her friend, her buddy – nothing more.