I was born different. When my sisters skin was white as now, mine was the color of soil granting the title: "
Anak ng Lupa."
Even though the world awaited for my arrival, I came short of
expectations. My mother was in labor for several hours bearing all the
pain while my father was outside the delivery room, disturbed yet
excited. They showered me with all the love even waking up in the wee
hours of morning just to check if I have acquired any insect bites.
Growing
up was quite a challenge. As my sister blossom into a beautiful
princess. I remained to be ordinary, lanky with crooked teeth. Jokingly,
my sister would tell me I was found at a garbage bin, crying, alone and
my parents were kind enough to give me a life. In reply, I told her you
were found on the river bed! Sibling rivalry at its finest. Few years
later, my mother bore another child, unexpected, as our age difference
was a decade. But it brought me pure joy to have him. The teenage years
have been a struggle, as my friends and classmates were changing for the
better, I remained platonic, with even darker skin due to swimming and
my tooth enough to open a soda bottle. Worst, when I was mistaken as a
cousin while my younger brother and I were walking around the mall. It
was hard to go to school, it was difficult to go on relationships and
even harder to build friendships without being insecure. Self-esteem was
plummeting and I have to go on living despite the hardships. I was
contented of being a wallpaper slowly fading away in the background. I
was judged by my appearance, by the clothes I wear, by the choices I
make, by the life I had. Even my bestfriend was rude enough to leave me
out in the open instead of supporting me. To each his own. And so, it
doesn't come as a surprise when news of school shooting or teen suicide
surfaces. I almost reached to that point but my gut was telling me
otherwise. My parents never left me even my sister was there to support
but at this age you try to sort out things within yourself. You try to
tell the world that I can surpass these challenges while slowly being
destroyed inside. You remember the faces of those who mock you at night,
you try hard to find solutions for people to accept you as who you are
and worst, there are times you rather stay in bed than pretend to be
alive in a living world. You try accept things as they are, pretend to
be unaffected even when it hurts, like a bulletproof blocking all the
momentum of sadness in the hopes that one day this will end, the
torture, the drama. And yet that day never came but instead gave me the
realization that life has more to offer. I decided to focus all my
energy to what I was good at, swimming and sciences. I began to take
care of myself and subjected myself to years of braces. I realized that
you can converse well with braces and it gives you a sudden shift with
your status.
I went to college leaving the past
behind, hoping to have a better life. My features improved, my teeth
straightened like that of a toothpaste ad and life seemed to get better.
College life was rather liberating, people was less conscious of their
appearance and was banking more on character. I became more productive,
more active and popular. I became the subject of rumors, a ladies man,
instead of ridicule. So this is how it feels to be the center of
attention. It became a daunting task to maintain peoples perception of
me. But I have been to that road of uncertainty and I am not willing to
go back. And instead of going back to my old self, I remained true to my
values and followed my new principles. And life became manageable.
Life
is indeed a balance. The people who have mocked me and hurt me for
quite some time has spiraled to the worst. Life, has its own weirdness
of letting you realize that everything shall pass, that life is a cycle,
what is up must come down and vice-versa. Karma has its own way of
pacifying people who has injected a lot of negative energy in this
world. And I have no plans to reiterate. I must say this journey of mine
involved people whose hearts of gold will never be forgotten. Life
requires you to stay strong if needed and accept defeat as they come. We
learn from our mistakes and we learn from other lives. And whatever
turnout you'll have should not be the fault of others for we have the
power to choose. Life will never be perfect but we have all the reason
to live a life we truly deserve.
