#4

So here I am, bruised. Slowly swallowing the fact that I was cheated on. They say: "love conquers all." But whoever said that needs to be hanged. No matter how deep nor strong your love is, when trust is shattered, it goes sour and lonely, afraid to see the daylight again.

You rewind all the memories, flashback fridays, throwback thursdays and scrutinize each day as if it was a movie. Play, pause, rewind to know who's fault it was. You blame yourself for everything. Was I too much? too strong? too overbearing? or was still simply lacking? No matter how hard you go on with your day as if nothing happened, still you feel something deep inside. A heavy burden, a crushing sensation on your left chest enough to give you headache and several days of loss of appetite. Sorry seems to be the hardest word but may go easy on the on one hand but no matter how delicately and creatively said, it still means nothing. 

You go numb, you go lifeless, you want to forgive. How do you forgive? When all your life is spent around that person. When all your life you want the best of everything even planning, together, your future. To be different from the rest and then it turns out that you're both becoming like the people you dislike. 

The bible said forgive seventy seven time seven but even if I'll multiply it by a thousand still my heart cannot beat for it. And surprisingly tears come out despite my eyes looking like being bitten by bees. Its hard to forgive especially from someone you love so much only to be given this in return. Even tougher to pretend as if nothing happened because life goes on. 

It takes time to heal as they say. And it may even take time to accept things and slowly change the scheme for the better. There's someone to cling on to though and I hope divine intervention will slowly set the pace. One day at a time, one step at a time.